The Husband’s Guardianship Between Abuse And Neglect

Because getting the incomplete idea might harm some people, we hope that all of  you put the last three sermons together to deduce a result. The objective of the last sermons is the endeavour to establish the ideal family. It is known that marital problems do not always result from the insistence on disagreement, rather the ignorance of its concept.

The man’s guardianship over the family does not necessarily mean the dominance that is not based on the Mind or the Sharia, rather it is the Legislator’s authorization to him to be a trustworthy judge for the administration of the family affairs, because every human congregation composed of two or more people, does not function well without leadership and administration. The verse made two things the basis of this authorization; The personal gifts of the man and his family position as a husband, {For that Allah has preferred in bounty one of them over the other}, and his obligation to secure a living {And for that they have expended of their property}.

The noble Koran describes righteous women as {Obedient} and one of the criteria of obedience is obeying the husband without disobeying Allah. It is clear that when the husband feels that his wife is dominant over him, he will not continue his relationship with her, for naturally the family does not function well with two leaders, as it is the case with states and establishments. It also describes them as {Guarding the secrets}, for if the husband is to worry about his wife’s behaviour in his absence-regarding his possessions and honour-this feeling will abolish the atmosphere of confidence which is the basis of marital intimacy.

By “Obeying the husband”, we do not mean the submissiveness in which the husband is seen as a commander of a military camp, rather we mean the state of acceptance, on the part of the wife, after discussing the alternative solutions. If the husband finds preponderance in his wife’s thinking, he will automatically stop controlling her and forcing her to do what he wants.”

The woman must always make a balance between the negative consequences of stubbornness and insistence on opinion and the positive results of bearing some privation in exchange for reducing tension in the marital life, because it is not logical for the woman to get what she wants of this world’s possessions in exchange for giving away some of her religious convictions and spiritual comfort.

It is a grave mistakes that the woman resorts-from the defence position-to disclosing the man’s secrets, because the man will automatically resort to disclosing her secrets in return. The saying goes: “ There are secrets in all families”. The consequence would be the exploitation of their hidden weaknesses by their foes to expose and disgrace them in the community. Afterwards, the marital life, even if conciliation occurs, will have little or no value because of that disgrace.

Jealousy has acceptable limits. Prosecuting the man for every detail turns him away from the house. Consequently, he will look for the alternatives outside it and then he would either commit sins or fall in the destructive passionate love or he would forsake his children with all what it entails of neglecting them and leaving them to destiny, because the mother alone cannot control the household.

The wife has to be realistic regarding the financial dealings with the husband, because overburdening the husband is among the causes of dislike and dispute, especially with his reluctance to expend. For what is taken out of shyness and submission-on the part of the giver-to ward off troubles, is as if taken by force.

Before getting married, young men ought to understand the necessary qualities the wife should have. What is needed is an acceptable degree of good looks and beauty, for the feminine attraction is not always based on the material meaning of beauty. This is one of Allah secrets. Add to that the importance of the presence of the pure social medium, because it is impossible to deny the unconscious effect the family environment has on all stages of growth.

One of the most important attributes of a successful marriage is the state of submission, of both parties, to the rule of the Sharia in any disagreement. If there was a living ruling authority, the presence of disagreement would be meaningless. Because disagreement is the derivative of the presence of two disputing selves. With the presence of the Sharia, this dispute will be meaningless. Reflect well on Allah’s saying: {But no, by thy Lord! they will not believe till they make thee the judge regarding the disagreement between them, then they shall find in themselves no impediment touching thy verdict, but shall surrender in full submission.

Some people may wish to marry religiously uncommitted women, hoping to change them for the better in the future, but it is a risk without guaranteed results, especially with the persistence of the deviation after becoming married. It is very possible that she overwhelms him by her dishonour and not the reverse, especially if there was mutual love. It is necessary that extra precaution is practiced in a hazardous experience like this one.

We noticed, by virtue of experience, that the best candidate for marital life is the girl who finds comfort in staying at home and who does not wander much outside of it mixing with men and pursuing the temporal possessions. When the wife’s mind is occupied with things other than her family, she will not naturally offer the husband his rights.

The Woman is Allah’s trust, how to treat her then?

It is wrong that the husband treats his wife according to the principle of reciprocity, so that he does not treat her well until she does first. Whereas the principle {We desire no recompense from you, no thankfulness}, applies here. There is a difference between acting with complaisance for the sake of Allah-fulfilling high values-and doing it to acquire possessions of this world.

It is necessary -to achieve a happy life with the wife-that we have the divine and the transparent regard to women. For she too was created to attain her perfection. Therefore, we must regard her as a creature marching towards of Allah. Hence, we must not discourage her in her endeavour to attain perfection.

If the husband is not the kind of person who cares for the hereafter, then he must work for the benefit of his life in this world. And that is by not transferring the woman into a nervous being who expresses her feelings inside the marital establishment on one side, affecting the children’s upbringing on the other. It is known that the wife is a life partner, which makes her a good investment for he who wants to improve her capabilities so that, both the couple, their children and the society benefit.

The man’s refraining from taking the responsibility inside the house is one of the causes of the dismantling of a marriage. He starts the relationship by showing a great deal of love and affection, only to change afterwards to someone who does not regard the house a friendly atmosphere and does not take any responsibility even regarding the obligatory adequate support. Especially so if the wife is financially independent, then he will try to take away her possessions which will leave him with a mere nominal role inside the house.”

It is wrong to sanctify-during an argument-the notion of partiality of each of the couple for his or her relatives, forgetting the principle of precedence by piety. For there is nothing as the (husband’s relatives) in opposition to the (wife’s relatives) in the exact Islamic concept, because all believers are like one body, and disputes in the family should not be transferred to the bigger family, the society.

The Prophet (P.U.H.H) said: “ Fear Allah in regard the two weak subjects” meanin (the woman and the orphan). It is known that suppressing someone who has no helper but Allah; is one of the causes of speeding-up of the divine Vengeance. That is why we think that he oppressor of his wife cannot advance in the way of perfection, for how could we seek nearness to Allah when He is displeased with us.

The resorting of the husband to unlawful practices, starting with looking at forbidden pictures in addition to committing forbidden deeds, will destroy the marital establishment in many ways. Because he who derives pleasure from a variety of forbidden practices, will not be satisfied by what is allowed for him, especially when he compares the available and variable forbidden to the stable allowed. On the other hand, he will drop in his wife’s estimation-who resents marital infidelity by her nature. How shall he expect respect from her after that? Moreover, Allah-who casts love in obedient people’s hearts-takes away that love from disobedient people’s hearts. This is the secret of people’s dislike to the sinful even without knowledge of their sinning.

Some regard sexual intercourse as a pure bestial action. Consequently, they might not fulfill their obligation if they-wrongly-think that it hinders them from attaining certain spiritual ranks. Whereas the matter includes an emotional as well as an instinctive undertaking, which is one of the requirements of the fortification of the marital life, in addition to making the partner happy and satisfied, provided that excess and neglect are avoided.

Showing romantic feelings and gestures in dealing with the wife is required by the Sharia. Because it is related that the Prophet (P.U.H.H) had said: “The man’s saying to his wife, I love you, never goes away from her heart”. This attitude should not be restricted to the early years of the marriage; rather it is necessary to constantly refresh the marital life with it.

The man must not seek comfort outside the house on the wife’s expense, because Allah commanded us to guard ourselves first and our families second against the Fire {Guard yourselves and your families against a Fire}. Hence, the man’s leaving of his woman to live in loneliness and isolation, especially during he night, is a kind of unintended tormenting.

Resorting to beating and the use of improper words in marital life, form the peak of the spiritual decline, which takes the glamour away from the marital life and causes a crack which doe snot close even after harmony returns.