Prosperity or Ruin of a Family
So fear God as much as ye can; listen and obey; and spend in
prosperity or ruin is the result of one's acts, morals and beliefs. Good morals,
righteous beliefs and good deeds will result in prosperity, while wrong belief,
bad character and wicked deeds will result in one's life getting ruined.
Prosperity implies happiness in this world and the Hereafter, while getting
ruined implies a disastrous life here and loss in the Hereafter. The result of
prosperity is God's Pleasure and Eternal Residence in Heaven, while the result
of getting ruined is God's animosity and eternal torture. The Muslim families
should remember these facts. A couple should try to gain what causes prosperity
and avoid what causes their ruin by helping each other when they marry. Thus,
they will have a healthy home environment for their children.
the benefit of your own souls. And those saved from the covetousness of
their own souls, -- they are the ones that achieve prosperity.[Holy
Quran: Tagabun: 64:16]
from faith, good deeds and good morality, the family should establish the basis
of attaining God's Pleasure and an entrance ticket to God's Heaven. The subjects
of prosperity and getting ruined, and the underlying causes have been
extensively discussed in the Quran and Prophetic traditions. All people have
been warned not to deprive themselves of their prosperity and ruin their lives.
The families need to consider morality and watch out for bad deeds to gain
prosperity. We shall leave the subjects of faith and actions to more detailed
families, especially the Iranian ones have faith in God and the Hereafter,
Prophethood and Leadership of the Immaculate Imams, and perform their obligatory
deeds such as prayer, fasting, pilgrimage, and charity. They also avoid what has
been forbidden, such as having forbidden foods or drinks, and committing immoral
lustful acts, etc. Most problems that the families have to be more concerned
with are abiding by moral issues, and avoiding wicked desires. We shall suffice
to describe just two issues here.
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implies being just, serving others, wanting for others what we want for
ourselves, and not wanting for others what we do not wish for ourselves. This
issue must be considered by both the husband, the wife and the children in
regards to each other. Based on Islam, each person is bound to be just to
others, and consider the rights of the people in all cases. Imam Sadiq has
narrated the Prophet (Pbuh) as saying:
most just person is one who wants for others what he wants for himself, and
dislikes for others what he dislikes for himself. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.25].
Prophet (Pbuh) said:
aids the poor, and is just to others is a true believer. [Bihar al-Anwar v.72,
Prophet (Pbuh) told the Commander of the Faithful that three things constitute
in times of poverty, being just to others, and bestowing knowledge to whoever
needs it. [Ibid].
man asked the Prophet:
teach me something to ease attaining Heaven for me.
Prophet (Pbuh) replied:
not get angry, do not beg, and want for others whatever you want for yourself.
Commander of the Faithful said:
that God will increase the grandeur and majesty of those who are just to people.
[Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.33].
sweet will be the life of a family whose members are all concerned about each
other and are just to one another. They do not wish for others what they do not
like for themselves in all that they do. It should not be the case that the
husband and the children do all the resting, and the wife does all the work, or
the parents work hard, but the kids eat, drink and expect more. They should all
be just to each other, and help in all the affairs of the house. This way they
will become prosperous, and not get ruined.
is important in Islam for the members of the family to be kind to each other,
and treat each other with passion. This is a form of worship which is highly
rewarding. The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
kind to each other is good and blessed while non-compliance and improper deeds
are wicked. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.51-2]
I inform you about people who will be safe from the fire of Hell?
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answered yes. He said:
takes it easy in life, and is kind and complaisant in one's life. [Ibid]
is the reward of one who does not bother others, and treats everybody kindly?
Moses,The Fire of Hell shall tell him/her that you cannot enter. [Ibid]
Prophet (Pbuh) was asked:
is the best thing for one.
all Muslims are safe from one's tongue and hands. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72,
Prophet (Pbuh) said:
deed is better than faith, and kindness to others in the sight of God and his
Prophet, and no deed is worse than atheism and treating others harshly. [Ibid]
advice and wishing the best for people has a reward in this world and the
Hereafter. Accepting advice is a cause of enlightenment of the heart, and
awareness, too. Everyone should advise others as much as he/she can and wish
them the best. The listener should take the advice and use it, too. One must not
be too shy to advise, and not too haughty to accept advice. The Prophet (Pbuh)
has considered shyness to be silly and haughtiness to be a satanic trait which
prevent us from accepting advice. The head of the household should give advice
to his wife and children every once in a while. He should remind them of their
duties. Sometimes the wife should advise her husband, and at times the children
should advise their parents. Each one is required to put haughtiness aside and
accept the advice given. Imam Sadiq said:
notes that his brother is facing a loss- and can help him out but does not do so
by warning him- has been disloyal to his friend. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.65]
polite implies being respectful, talking properly, being a gentleman and
respecting others. A husband, a wife, and the children should all be polite to
each other. Being polite is a human value which is a source of one's respect; it
improves oneís social status; increases the number of our friends. In
addition, it causes one to obtain Godís Mercy and it is also a form of
worship. The Commander of the Faithful said:
is nothing better than politeness. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.67]
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some wise words he said:
a sign of being polite, it is enough to dislike for others what you dislike for
In other saying he said:
good thing about being polite is that it is like being a gentleman.
Protection of the Family from Accusations
viewed by Islam, all the members of the family should behave and associate with
others in such a way that the family does not get accused. Any accusation may
destroy the foundations of the family, and make it hard to live. One may feel
that it is proper to meet someone, but others may think different and misjudge.
This may be gradually misinterpreted, and then the people will think different
about one and his/her honor will be endangered in the society. Then the family
will be harmed. One may then try to engage in a business deal, or a social
affair like getting a wife for his son, or marrying off his daughter, and this
undue accusation may hinder him. Imam Sadiq said:
father admonished me by saying the following: O' my son. Anyone who associates
with bad people will not remain healthy. Whoever engages in a bad affair, will
be accused and whoever does not watch what he says will be sorry. [Bihar al-Anwar,
Prophet (Pbuh) said:
who associate with the accused will be the most proper candidates for
Commander of the Faithful said:
gets in a situation whereby he/she may be accused, should not blame those who
make accusations against him/her.[Ibid]
Sadiq has been narrated as saying the following:
going to places where you may get accused. And do not stand in public places
with your mother, since not all people know that the person you are with is your
mother.[Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.91].
someone who does not know, or is ignorant spreads the word around that you are
flirting with a strange woman. He may warn people against associating with you
to protect the honor of his family. The man of the house, the woman and the
children should seriously avoid going to places where they may get accused. This
may harm the honor of the family, and Islam is really strict in this regard.
Honoring One's Oath
speaking it is obligatory to honor one's oath. The wedding contract between a
couple is a divine contract to which both the husband and wife must remain
loyal. This is an oath between the husband and wife, and to each other's
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families. Any kind of oath that the parents give to their children, is to be
honored, too. The Quran states:
fulfill (every) engagement, for (every) engagement will be inquired into (on the
Day of Reckoning).[Holy Quran: Bani Isra'il: 17:34]
one's oath is a sure sign of a believer.
who faithfully observe their trusts and their covenants;[Holy Quran: Mu-minun:
Sajjad has considered all religious decrees to be summarized in the following
three things: Righteous words, acting justly, and honoring one's oath. [Bihar
al-Anwar, v.72, p.92].
one's excuse shall be accepted in this world and the Hereafter regarding the
following issues: Safeguarding what one has been entrusted with, whether it is
from a good person or a bad one; honoring one's oath to a believer or a corrupt
person; and treating one's parents; kindly whether they are good or bad. [Ibid].
Prophet (Pbuh) said:
who does not respect his own oath and does not do what he has promised to do is
Imam Reza said:
are members of a Household who consider our oath as a debt just as the Prophet (Pbuh)
said. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.7, p.97]
house should not be ruled by one who imposes whatever he/she wishes upon the
family. There are many benefits in consultation, and the husband and wife will
benefit if they consult with their elders who are more experienced, or consult
with their grown-up children. Insist on consultation and respect the views of
others. Do not think that you are the know it all. Allow everyone to participate
in consultations, as this will help you a lot, and may at times help you out of
disasters. The Quran has placed especial emphasis on consultation in verse 159
of Al-i-Imran, and verses 36-38 of Shura. Thus, consulting with others is a way
of following the Quran, a way to solve one's problems and a guard against
dangers. Imam Sadiq has said:
with those who fear God about your life affairs. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.98].
things are burdensome: Overestimating your deeds, forgetting your sins, and
Commander of the Faithful said: Whoever is self-centered will be endangered
[Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, pp.98-99].
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who is being consulted with should be considerate and provide the best possible
guidance. Giving wrong advice on purpose is considered to be a great sin. Imam
Ali said: I hate whoever is not sincere when he/she is being consulted by the
which is the sweet by-product of self-recognition and an individualís
mysticism- is an Islamic, humans and moral state. A person who considers himself
to be a servant of God, and recognizes that God is the source of all the
blessings he has; considers others to be superior to him, considers the people
to be God's servants and knows that he is nothing in this vast universe, is
deeply involved in humbleness.
man who considers his wife to be God's servant, and considers God to be the
owner of his children, considers himself to be their servants. He who considers
his wife and children to be what God has entrusted him with will be humble
towards them. When a woman is not haughty, does not overestimate her familyís
status when she faces her husband, and does not overestimate her knowledge or
degree, will then be humble towards her husband and children. Also, wise
children are humble towards their parents. Humbleness will result in nobility
and honor, and will maintain a home sweet. It will bring love and strengthen the
family bonds. A haughty person should know that no one, even his wife and
children like him or respect him. Imam Hassan Askari said:
who is humble towards his religious brethren in this world will be considered
righteous by God, and is a true follower of Imam Ali. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72,
Sadiq has narrated his grandfathers as saying:
of humbleness are to sit wherever there is room when you enter a family or
public meeting, to greet anyone you visit, to avoid quarreling even if you are
right, not to like to be admired for piety and righteousness. [Bihar al-Anwar,
the Commander of the Faithful was about to pass away, he said:
advise you to be humble as this is the best form of worship.[Ibid]
Kindness to Younger Ones and Respecting the
has instructed all men and women to be kind with the younger ones and respect
the elders. The house must be a place to act upon the instructions of God, the
Prophet and the Imams. Then you can prosper. It is a sin to get angry with,
ignore, not kiss or not honor a promise given to a younger one. It is also a sin
to disrespect the elders, give them a mean look, not fulfill their needs, or
express that you get bored with them. We have brought the younger ones into this
world, and we are responsible for them until they settle down. We should take
care of them kindly. We have been raised by the elders, so we should
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respect them since we owe them a lot. When the Commander of the Faithful was
about to pass away, he said:
kind with the young members of the family, and honor and respect the elders.
[Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.136]
Prophet (Pbuh) said:
the elders as this is equal to respecting God. [Ibid].
Prophet (Pbuh) said:
is not kind to the younger ones, or does not respect the elders is not from my
nation. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.137]
families are really strict about accepting guests. This is either a sign of
laziness or a sign of jealousy. Hospitality has been a way of the Prophets and
the Imams, and is an example of divine and righteous men. Jealousy or laziness
are not proper, in whatever form. The husband, the wife, and the children should
all treat their guests warmly. This action which is according to the ethics of
God's saints will please God and ease our affairs, bring Godís Mercy and
Favor, and cast away any catastrophes from the members of the family.
Hospitality is so encouraged in Islam that we believe the guest brings in his
daily bread, and the host is the guest of his guests. It is highly praised to
encourage hospitality. This will improve our morality, and the opposite is
inhumane and despised by God. The sixth Imam said: There are ten characters that
make up nobility. Try to attain them all. One is hospitality. [Bihar al-Anwar,
Sadiq has said: Whenever guests enter your house, they bring God's forgiveness
for you and your household, and when they leave, they take away your sins and
those of your wife. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, pp.459-460].
Baqir said: Feeding four Muslims is equivalent to freeing a slave from the
descendants of Ismael. [Ibid].
being just, kind, wishing the best, politeness, staying away from accusations,
honoring one's oath, humbleness, being kind to younger ones, and respecting the
elders, and hospitality are all the basis of nobility and cause prosperity in
this world and the Hereafter.
Cause of Getting Ruined
should avoid the following issues, each of which is described in many traditions
and the Quranic verses: Not talking, separating, accusing the innocent,
quarreling, finding faults, and gossiping, causing quarrels, deceit,
wastefulness, haughtiness, jealousy, following sinners, being a burden and
hostility. Families should avoid the above, since they are sins, some of which
are great sins and will ruin the family and cause misfortune. In addition to the
Quran, you can find a discussion of these issues in books like Kafi, v.2,
Vasa'il, v.11, Shafi Fayz,
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Muhjat ul-Biyza, Jami al-Saadat Naraqi, and other moral or traditions books.
These are beyond our scope.