Say: Whatever ye spend that is good, is for parents and
kindred... [Holy
Quran: Baqara: 2:215]
Relatives
Each
husband and wife has some relatives. Neither one is allowed to force the other
to stop seeing them. Each one has parents, brothers and sisters, uncles, aunts,
nieces and nephews, grandparents, etc. Visiting them is considered worship, and
associating with them is an excellent deed and can help resolve many
difficulties. A wife should not be so unreasonable not to let her husband's
relatives come to visit them, or be rude with them when they come for a visit.
She should not stop her husband from associating with his relatives. The house
is the husband's property, and God has granted him authority over the wealth and
property. A woman is religiously required to obey her husband. Bothering him is
also religiously forbidden. Preventing him from associating with his parents,
brothers and sisters, or other relatives is totally immoral, inhumane and
against man's nature. A man should not prevent his wife from associating with
her parents and relatives either. This too is against human passion and love.
The wife and children who prevent one from performing good deeds, worshipping,
and associating with relatives are considered man's enemies by the Quran. They
are not enemies whose hearts are filled with hatred. Rather they are enemies who
want to prevent us from attaining prosperity in this world and the Hereafter.A man should not
give in to his wife or children in his attempts to do good deeds, solving the
problems of the people, associating with relatives, aiding his parents, brothers
or sisters. Of course, believing women who accept the Hereafter; feel
responsible; want to prosper in the Hereafter; recognize that they must respect
their husband's rights; adhere to divine etiquette and are in total agreement
with their husbands. They even encourage their husbands to associate with and
help his relatives, whenever they feel that their husbands are not serious
enough in this regard. But women who oppose God, or children who demand things
opposed to God's religion, are considered to be man's enemy by the Quran. Man is
instructed to do the following in these situations:O ye who believe!
Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to
yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive andYou should not
fight, separate, or get angry in this case. Just let them insist on their views,
and you yourself stay steadfast in obeying God and spending in his way. Some
women are really unreasonable. They are deprived of God’s Mercy, and wish to
deprive others of God’s Mercy too. Some men are also too strict, and do this
unreasonably and without any gain but deprivation from God’s Mercy and favor.
Why do some women refuse to let their husband's relatives come to their house,
and not let their husband assist his relatives financially, while all their own
relatives can come to their house and use the husband's property to serve them
as they please. In these cases, many months or years go by and the husband
aspires to see his relatives and visit him, but the wife's relatives are
continually coming and going. Is this not a form of oppression against the
husband and his relatives?Is this not the
same dangerous mental state which is damned by God and deprived of His Mercy.
Such a woman will not have a good Hereafter. And why do some men prevent their
wives from visiting their relatives. This is not liked by God, is a Satanic act
and is certainly going to cause one to be deprived of God’s Mercy. In addition
to the verses on visiting the next of kin, the Holy Quran has mentioned
relatives twenty-three times, and has issued some very important decrees in this
regard. A believing man is supposed to use the Prophet (Pbuh) as his model and
abide by his decrees in all issues. One duty is to guide his relatives, since
man always needs guidance.And admonish thy
nearest kinsmen, [Holy Quran: Shu'araa: 26:214]How good is it for
a man to gather his relatives and those of his wife in his house every once in a
while; and advise them about the religiously forbidden and allowed things; and
admonish them about the consequences of evil acts and bad behavior; and
introduce jurisprudence and religious issues to them. Guiding the people towards
divine issues is similar to the act of the Prophets of God and the Imams, and
has an astonishing reward. It is said that Allameh Majlesi carried out this
program for his wife, child and relatives every Thursday night; and he
considered it a duty since scientific charity is similar to financial charity,
and is liked by God. The Quran considers being kind to one’s relatives similar
to being kind to one’s parents, thus showing the importance of having good
family ties.And remember We
took a covenant from the Children of Israel (to this effect): Worship none but
God; treat with kindness your parents and kindred; and orphans and those in
need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; and practise regular
charity. Then did ye turn back, except a few among you, and ye backslide (even
now). [Holy Quran: Baqara 2:83]Love for wealth
and property is a part of human nature. Was it not for this love, no one would
be motivated to go to work in industry, arts, business or agriculture. Man loves
what he earns by hard work. The Glorious Quran asksTo spend of your
substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans [Holy Quran: Baqara:
2:177]Relatives are so
important in relation to one that they inherit one's property after his/her
death. Note the following verse in this regard. But if at the
time of division other relatives...[Holy Quran: Nisaa: 4:8]The respect for
relatives is very important. They are so honorable that God's book orders us to
be just even when we talk to our relatives.Whenever ye speak,
speak justly, even if a near relative is concerned; [Holy Quran: An'am: 6:152]Belittling, making
fun of or vain talk about relatives are all against the religion and are immoral
acts. God has ordered everyone to be kind and just, and has specifically
mentioned relatives in this regard.God commands
justice, the doing of good, and liberality to kith and kin [Holy Quran: Nahl:
16:90]God does not like
one who is rich to ignore those who need his charity. This is also unaccepted
from the viewpoint of the intellect, logic, man's nature, ethics and the
religion. Let not those
among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath
against helping their kinsmen [Holy Quran: Nur: 24:22]We are strictly
ordered to be just when we witness in a court, and also avoid hiding what we
know and can witness to even if it is against our interest and that of our
parents and relatives.O ye who believe!
Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to God, even as against yourselves,
or your parents, or your kin [Holy Quran: Nisaa: 4:135]Also we are
instructed not to seek forgiveness for our relatives as long as they are
polytheists.It is not fitting,
for the Prophet and those who believe, that they should pray for forgiveness for
Pagans, even though they be of kin [Holy Quran: Tauba: 9:113]We are also
instructed not to be friends with our parents, children or relatives if they are
enemies of God and his Prophet. Thou wilt not
find any people who believe in God and the Last Day, loving those who resist God
and His Apostle, even though they were their fathers or their sons, or their
brothers, or their kindred. For such He has written Faith in their hearts, and
strengthened them with a spirit from Himself. And He will admit them to Gardens
beneath which Rivers flow, to dwell therein (forever). God will be well pleased
with them, and they with Him. They are the Party of God. Truly it is the Party
of God that will achieve Felicity.[Holy Quran Mujadila 58:22]Except for these
especial cases, relatives are considered as a unit. The husband or the wife do
not have the right to forbid the other one from associating with his/her
relatives. Women, especially, are not allowed to forbid their husbands from such
highly rewarding acts. I recommend to couples to honor the twenty-three verses
of the Quran about relatives, and respect their relatives, invite them over, and
help them financially if they need so. As can be understood from the traditions,
the woman should be careful not to make her husband angry, since his anger and
unhappiness is similar to God's anger and unhappiness. None of the deeds of a
woman whose husband is not pleased with her is accepted by God. [Bihar al-Anwar,
v.100, p.244].Imam Sadiq said:Damned is a woman
who bothers her husband and makes him sad. [Ibid, p.253].This can be partly
related to the husband's relatives. She may be unreasonable without any logical
or religious reasons, and in this way she deprives herself of God’s Mercy.Those who join together those things which God hath commanded
to be
joined.[Holy Quran: Ra'd: 13:21]
The
Quran and Visiting Relatives
Visiting
relatives is one of the very good deeds that the Prophet, and the Imams have
much insisted on. Mulla Husayn Fayz, who was a great philosopher, mystic and
scholar spent his life with the Glorious Quran and Prophetic traditions. He
considered visiting the relatives to include going to see them, and helping the
relatives with their finances or business, or helping young couples to marry.
This meaning can be understood from the Quranic verses and traditions, too. The
Prophet and the Imams did exactly these things when they visited their
relatives, too. This act is greatly stressed in the Quran. It is done by the
wise, and cutting off relations with the relatives is considered to be an act of
corruption. The Quran has instructed us to fear God when interacting with our
relatives, and God has mentioned relatives just after HimselfReverence God,
through Whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (that
bore you): [Holy Quran: Nisaa: 4:1]The wise are
considered to have some traits as mentioned in the Holy Chapter Ra'd. The
benefits gained in the Hereafter are being greeted and welcomed by angels.Those who join
together those things which God hath commanded to be joined.[Holy Quran: Ra'd:
13:21]We read in the
Chapter Baqara the following regarding cutting off of relations:And who sunder
what God has ordered to be joined, and do mischief on earth: These cause loss
(only) to themselves.[Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:27]Yes, cutting off
relations is a cause for a great loss. There is another alarming verse in the
chapter Ra'd regarding this issue:And cut asunder
those things which God has commanded to be joined, and work mischief in the
land;-- on them is the Curse; for them is the terrible Home! [Holy Quran: Ra'd:
13:25]We read in chapter
Muhammad:Then, is it to be
expected of you, if ye were put in authority, that ye will do mischief in the
land, and break your ties of kith and kin? [Holy Quran: Muhammad: 47:22]So we see that
visiting relatives is so important that it yields prosperity and the greeting
and welcoming of man by angels in the Hereafter. And the cutting off of
relations with relatives will result in damnation, a bad ending and not being
saved. Respectfully helping the relatives with their financial problems is
highly rewarding.And the likeness
of those who spend their substance, seeking to please God and to strengthen
their souls, is as a garden, high and fertile: heavy rain falls on it but makes
it yield a double increase of harvest, and if it receives not heavy rain, light
moisture sufficeth it. God seeth well whatever ye do. [Holy Quran: Baqara:
2:265]If ye disclose
(acts of) charity, even so it is well, but if ye conceal them, and make them
reach those (really) in need, that is best for you: It will remove from you some
of your (stains of) evil. And God is well acquainted with what ye do. [Holy
Quran: Baqara: 2:271]Those who (in
charity) spend of their goods by night and by day, in secret and in public, have
their reward with their Lord: on them shall be no fear, nor shall they
grieve.[Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:274]A Good Plan
Let’s
invite all our relatives, and recite to the rich ones the verses and traditions
on visiting and helping relatives and ask each one of them to donate some money
regularly. Then we can open an account or give the money to a trustworthy member
of the family. If a problem arises for a poor relative, we can respectfully give
him a loan or a donation. Then he can use the money to buy a house, some needed
furniture, a trousseau for his daughter or pay for marrying off his son. This is
a very good act, it helps a lot of people and is highly rewarding as stated
before. Let’s try to describe this plan to others and encourage them to
implement it. If this is widely implemented in the country, then a heavy burden
is lifted off of the government's budget, and the assisting relatives get a
great reward. In the Quranic verses on charity, helping the relatives has the
highest priority. Then the orphans, the disabled, the poor, and the bankrupt are
mentioned.To spend of your
substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans. [Holy Quran: Baqara:
2:177]An Amazing Story
Saduq
has narrated Imam Sadiq as having said the following based on an authentic
document:Jonah was
supplicating and praying inside the stomach of a fish. His voice was delivered
to Korah's soul which was undergoing God's Punishment at the time of
Traditions About Visiting Relatives
The
Prophet (Pbuh) said:Help your
relatives, even if you give them a drink of water. The best form of helping
relatives is not to bother them. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p.103].The relatives'
feelings get injured when they are ignored or belittled. That is why the best
form of helping relatives is not to injure their feelings. He also said: Visit
your relatives in this world even if you just say hello. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74,
p.104]The Prophet (Pbuh)
has been narrated as saying: Walk one year to visit your relatives. He also has
said the following in an important tradition: To the society at this time and
the times to come, and those who are in their father's loin or their mother's
womb, I advise you all to visit your relatives even if it takes a whole year.
Indeed visiting your relatives is a part of your religion. [Ibid].There are many
important traditions which outline the benefits of visiting relatives. [Bihar
al-Anwar, v.74, pp.111-126]. We will cite a few of these traditions here. Imam
Baqir said:Visiting relatives
will purify your deeds, increase your wealth, remove any catastrophes, and delay
the time of your death.Imam Sadiq said:Visiting relatives
and doing good deeds will ease the accounting for our deeds in the Hereafter,
and will protect us from committing sins. Then visit your relatives and be kind
with your brethren, even if it is just limited to warm greetings.The Prophet (Pbuh)
said: Visiting relatives will prolong your life and eliminate poverty. Visiting
relatives will expand towns, and prolong the lives, even if those you visit are
not good people. God shall grant the reward of one hundred martyrs to the one
who visits his relatives and helps them with his life and property. For each
step that you take to visit your relatives, God will record four thousand good
deeds, and remove four thousand evil deeds, and provide four thousand raises in
your status. It is just as if you have sincerely worshipped God for one-hundred
years.The Prophet (Pbuh)
said:There is a
heavenly status that only those who are just leaders, visit their relatives, or
patiently take care of their wife and children shall attain. HeA man told the
Prophet (Pbuh) that he visited his relatives, but some of them bothered him, and
he wanted to cut off his relations with them. The Prophet (Pbuh) told him that
if he did that, God would abandon all of them. He asked what he should do. The
Prophet (Pbuh) told him to visit those who cut off their relations, and forgive
those who mistreated him. Then God will raise him higher in status over them.Traditions About Cutting Off Relations
Abu Basir has
narrated that when he asked Imam Sadiq about someone who wished to cut off his
relations from those who oppose the Imam, the Imam replied this was not right.
[Bihar al-Anwar, v.75, p.185].Jahm, the son of
Hamid said that he told Imam Sadiq the following: I have relatives who follow
other religions. Do they have any rights over me? The Imam replied: Nothing can
nullify the rights of relatives. If they were Muslim, then they had two rights:
First being a relative and the second being a Muslim. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74,
p.131].Imam Baqir said:I found the
following in the Prophet's book (the Quran): When the people cut off their ties
from their relatives, the wicked people get a hold of their property.[Bihar al-Anwr,
v.73, p.369.]The Prophet (Pbuh)
said:Three groups of
people will not enter Heaven: alcoholics, those who believe in magic, and those
who cut off their ties from their relatives. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p.90]The Commander of
the Faithful said:I seek refuge with
God from sins which hasten death.He was asked
whether there existed sins that bring on death faster. He replied:Yes. Woe to you!
It is the sin of cutting off relations from your relatives. [Bihar al-Anwar,
v.74, p.137]He also said:The worst of all
sins are the cutting off of relations with relatives and being damned by
parents. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.4, p.89].The Prophet (Pbuh)
said:God’s Mercy
shall not be bestowed upon a nation in which these are some who cut off
relations with their relatives. [Ibid]The Prophet (Pbuh)
said:
Mutevakel's son.
told Imam Hadi that his father deserved to be killed and asked for permission to
do so. He was asked not to do so since he was his son. He was also warned that
should he do so, he will not stay alive for more than six months.