chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
The Role of the Mother in Child
Rearing
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
Heaven is under the feet of mothers. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.10,
p.712]
A
Child as the Result of a Mother's Efforts
The
Arabic word "Um" which means mother and is extensively used in the
Quran and the traditions essentially means root and source. This is because a
child is in the womb for six to nine months and extracts his/her physical and
spiritual needs from the body of the mother. Also, the baby constantly extracts
his/her needs from the mother’s physical and nervous system. In fact a mother
is the root or source of the existence of a child, and a child is the product of
his/her mother and a reflection of the mother's physical and spiritual
existence. The duration of stay of the child in the father's loins is very
short, but the duration of his/her stay in the mother's womb is nearly 270 days.
For this reason, the child is mostly affected by the mother, and Islam has paid
especial consideration to the mother and no one else. The mother's physical and
spiritual states appear in the child, and the child's substance will knowingly
or unknowingly be based on his mother.
Before
a girl marries she should either realize herself, or be told that she will
become a mother later. She must then be careful about the feeding, training,
educating, and socializing of her children, so that we can have a good future
generation. I read this sentence quoted from the French Emperor Napoleon in a
book about women. When asked which was the most valuable nation in his opinion
he said: The one with the most mothers. The dignity of motherhood should always
remain constant in the mind of women, else we will not have a good future
generation. A mother should honor her motherhood to raise her children. She
should mother her children so that they do not develop any spiritual or
emotional deficiencies.
A
woman who abandons the attributes of a mother, lets herself on the loose as a
Western woman does, flirts and associates with strange men, ignores herself, her
husband and her children to derive material and physical pleasure, is no longer
( 200 )
then a real mother. She is similar to a wild beast attacking her own family, or
a dangerous wolf that will harm the nobility and honor of her family. To raise
wise, strong, polite and good children, a mother must be pure with a healthy
mind, and humane ethics.
The
following is a part of Vareth's pilgrimage prayers addressing Imam Husayn, the
Master of the Martyrs: I witness that, in fact, you were a light in lofty loins
and pure wombs. A light which illuminated the world with knowledge, justice,
wisdom and leadership during his life, and lit up the Hereafter after his
martyrdom. In the same pilgrimage prayer, he is called as related to Fatimah and
Khadijah: ”Greetings and peace be upon you the son of Fatimah Zahra, Greetings
to you the son of the great Khadijah”.
The
reason the Prophet of Islam (Pbuh) has recommended that young men who want to
marry, should marry a girl from a noble, strong and religious family is to
prevent corruption in the future generation. A girl who is flirtish, impolite,
light-headed, untidy, lustful and a show-off with several boy friends is not
suitable for marriage. She has lost her nobility, her qualifications to be a
mother and her abilities to raise good children. Regarding such women, the
Prophet (Pbuh) has said in a tradition: If they deliver snakes and scorpions it
is better than babies, since they have corrupted their mind and soul seeking
pleasure, and as such are unable to produce healthy children. Notice the
following words of Noah:
And
Noah said: "O my Lord! Leave not of the unbelievers, a single one on Earth!
For, if Thou dost leave (any of) them, they will but mislead Thy devotees, and
they will breed none but wicked ungrateful ones”. [Holy Quran: Nuh: 71:26-27]
If
there were many mothers among the people of Noah , women who were faithful,
grateful, polite and chaste, then God would not have said that none but
unbelievers can be produced from them. As the Prophet (Pbuh) has said: If a
woman is similar to vegetation grown on garbage, then you cannot expect her to
produce humane, divine, and sweet products. A mother should not attend any
parties, even if it be at the house of their relatives. Some of these parties
are given for sinning. This will affect her spirit and she may even lose her
identity as a mother. A mother should not eat whatever she pleases. She should
only eat food that is obtained lawfully; which is harmless to herself and her
children. She should be concerned about issues related to cleanliness, insist on
the performance of religious duties and moral issues. Then she will be overcome
with light and can become illuminating. We have been informed through the
Immaculate Imams that they have used Hazrat Faimah Zahra as their model and
followed her in all matters whether it be related to intellectual, spiritual,
moral or belief ones. Fatimah is an exemplary model in all Creation. She is an
example of a perfect mother. Our daughters and wives should use her as a model
to follow, since a mother is the source of the creation of a child. Children
will be influenced by their mother while they are in the womb. When they are
born they will be solely looking at and listening to their mother. Thus, mothers
who follow Islamic ethics are polite, are centers of love and affection , and
will positively
( 201 )
affect their children. When Imam Husayn (Pbuh) put the head of Hur the son of
Yazeed on his lap, he declared Hur’s freedom from the rule of the Ummayad
clan, and lust. This was a credit to his mother. He said: You are free, and you
have earned this freedom from your mother. Also when Omr-i-Saed insisted that
Imam Husayn (Pbuh) should swear allegiance to Yazeed, the Imam declared his and
his followers unwillingness to swear such an allegiance to him because of their
having pure and holy mothers.
The Fruit of the Garden of Purity
Abdullah
Mubarak, who was a wise, mystic, scholarly man, was hired by a garden owner as a
gardener. During the time when pomegranates ripen, the owner of the garden
invited a few guests to the garden, and asked Mubarak to bring them some
pomegranates. Mubarak brought a basket of pomegranates, but they were all sour.
The garden owner asked again for sweet pomegranates. Mubarak brought some more,
but they were all sour, too. Again he asked Mubarak: Didn't I ask you to bring
sweet pomegranates? You have been working here for six months, but you do not
know which tree has sweet pomegranates? Mubarak answered no. The owner asked why
and Mubarak said we had signed a contract stating I would be a gardener, not
someone to eat the fruits in the garden. Indeed a pure sperm, a pure womb and
good training will raise a person who will protect people's property, not one
who will devour the people's wealth.
My Mother Ruined My Life
It
has been recorded that a young man was sentenced to death. They asked him to
write out his will. He said he did not have a will, but he wished to see his
mother before he died. They brought his mother to him. When saying good-bye he
bit his mother’s lips and tongue so hard that she fainted from the pain. They
attacked him asking why he did that evil oppressive act. He said my mother was
an oppressor. My mother ruined my life and caused me to be sentenced to death. I
stole an egg from our neighbor when I was a child. She encouraged me so much so
that I became a thief, so then I committed homicide. Indeed, Heaven is under the
mother's feet, but she can also be the main cause of eternal torture in the
Hereafter.
After
Fatimah Zahra (Pbuh) passed away Imam Ali (Pbuh) told his brother Agheel who was
familiar with Arab kinship: Choose me a wife who is born of one of the brave
Arab mothers. After a while, Agheel told Imam Ali to marry Fatimah Kalabieh
since there were no fathers among the Arabs who were braver than he was. Imam
Ali (Pbuh) married her, and had four brave strong sons including Abulfazl al-Abbas.
After
Malik Ashtar's martyrdom, the Commander of the Faithful went to the top of the
minaret of Kufa’s mosque" . mosque and said: I see no other mother who
can deliver a child like Malik. What a man he was! He was like a lofty mountain
and strong
( 202 )
rock. He is in the same position in regards to me that I am in regards to the
Prophet (Pbuh).
Sometimes Worshipping Diminishes
A
young fellow went to his mother and said sometimes the strength of his
worshipping diminishes although he does not eat unlawfully earned food, does not
associate with bad people, and avoids anything that might make him lazy about
worshipping. He said at times he felt a strand of darkness shadowing his
spiritual light. Then he said after having studied about this problem, he came
to the conclusion that this must be a problem transferred from his mother to
him. He asked for the truth to try to solve this problem. The mother told him
that his father was on a trip when she was pregnant with the boy and she said:
There were lots of plums on the market, but I could not leave the house and
could not buy any. Once when I went to the roof to spread the clothes on the
line to dry, I saw the plums that the neighbors had spread out to dry. I ate
just one plum to taste it, but then I became sorry and I was too shy to tell the
neighbor to ask for their consent. The young man told his mother that he had
found the problem. He asked for her permission to go to the neighbor’s house
and solve the issue, so that he could continue God's worship without any attacks
from Satan.
A Bright Marriage
When
I was young, I heard the following from one of the religious authorities in the
main city mosque called Jameh. When the father of that great religious
authority, Moqadas Ardebili, went to ask one of his fellow citizens if he could
marry his daughter, he said: My daughter is blind, deaf, dumb and crippled.
Marry her if you wish. The man said: How can I live with such woman? Then her
father replied: When I say she is blind, I mean she cannot see whoever is not
intimate; when I say she is deaf I mean she cannot hear the sound of whoever is
not intimate; when I say she is crippled, I mean her hands have not touched
anyone who is not intimate or gone to a forbidden party. Then the man married
that lady, and the product of that marriage was a noble scholar.
Sheik Shooshtary's Mother
Sheik
Jafar Shooshtary reached a high position in knowledge and practice. He had a
great influence in guiding the people. they once asked his mother if she is
pleased with having such a child. She replied no. They asked her why? She said:
during the two years of breast feeding, once I did not do my ablution before
breast feeding, and did not hug him. I wished him to grow up and become Imam
Sadiq but he turned out to be Jafar Shooshtary.
( 203 )
The Effect of Physical and Spiritual Purity in
Upbringing
Once
I traveled to Boroojerd to preach for ten nights. I wished to get more informed
about the great Muslim scholar Ayatullah Boroojerdy. A ninety-year old man
explained to me that his mother really tried to always perform her ablutions
before breast-feeding him. On a cold night when she wanted to cleanse her body
but could not leave the house (to go to a public bath-house) she washed herself
with cold water, then fed the baby. The mother's spiritual attention, and the
father's sincere efforts yielded a man which brought about vast changes in the
Shiite religious schools in scientific, practical and moral issues.
Young
girls should prepare themselves to become mothers. Equip yourselves with the
divine, human and moral necessities of motherhood. And noble mothers should
maintain their motherhood identity. Only God knows how rewarding it is to bring
up such good children. Among the people who can intercede on one’s behalf in
the Hereafter are believers, religious scholars and martyrs. There is no set
limit on how many people they can intercede for. They can intercede on behalf of
whoever deserves it. Of course, the first and foremost person who shall benefit
from this intercession is their mother. The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
Three
groups of people can intercede on one's behalf in God’s presence, and their
intercession shall be accepted by God. They are the Prophets, then the scholars,
then the martyrs. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.8, p.34]
Imam
Baqir said:
Indeed
believers intercede like the two tribes of Rabiah and Mozaer. Believers
intercede even on behalf of their servants.
Why
should daughters and mothers be such as to benefit from your scholar, martyr or
believing children's intercession in the Hereafter? Is it not bad to lose your
motherhood identity for the few days of this temporal life? Is not too terrible
for you to ruin the spiritual foundation of your children, who are entrusted to
you by God. Is it not awful for you to raise them up like Eastern devils?