chapter 8
CHAPTER 8
The Divine and Islamic Conditions for
Marriage
Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones
among your
slaves, male or female. [Holy Quran: Nur 24:32]
Religion
and Piety
The revered
religion of Islam is in fact a system supplied with beliefs, morals and
practical matters. Religious faith in Islam consists of joining up of the heart
with God and belief in the Day of Judgment; the angels; the Prophets and the
Glorious Quran. Morality in Islam consists of humbleness; humility; etiquette;
patience; submissiveness; fortitude; tolerance; perseverance; kindness;
compassion; good will; having mild disposition; chastity and sincerity; justice,
helpfulness; and generosity. Action in Islam consists of prayer; fasting; the
Hajj(the Holy pilgrimage to Meccac); paying alms and the one fifth levy;
enjoining the good and forbidding the evil; Jihad;15 taking God as a
friend and dissociation from evil; being good to one's parents; and observing
the rights of those whom one encounters.
Of course, the
three above-mentioned matters are not all the matters of Islam, but rather
examples of the perfect, comprehensive, universal religion of Islam which is
responsible - in all of life's affairs - for the welfare of people in this world
and in the Hereafter. Actually, religion is the sun and guiding light in life;
the guide towards God; and the improver of man in this world and in the
Hereafter. There is no worthier jewel in the treasury of God's Creation than
religion: the religion propagated by all the Prophets, the Imams, the Saints. It
is the religion in which whoever becomes adorned with, puts on a semblance of
God, having opened up all the doors of prosperity to himself. Whoever keeps his
distance from Islam will have opened all the doors of misfortune for himself.
____________
15 the holy war fought by Muslim against those
who reject Islam
( 78 )
Religion and piety
hold the same worth before God. Beautifying one's self with God's religion
results in the best person, the most outstanding creature and an incomparable or
matchless living being in Creation.
Those who have
faith and do righteous deeds, they are the best of the creatures. [Holy Quran:
Baiyina 98:7]
If one adorns
himself with the attributes of a believer mentioned in the Glorious Quran and
religious traditions, this will result in an acceptable believer expressed in
the following terms: "being humble in prayer; protesting against false and
futile talk; paying the alms tax; protecting the private parts of the body from
forbidden acts; protecting whatever has been entrusted to you; keeping one's
promise or oath and guarding one's prayers."
Those who humble
themselves in their prayers; who avoid vain talk; who are active in deeds of
charity; who abstain from sex except with those joined to them in the marriage
bond, or (the captives) whom their right hands possess, - for (in their case)
they are free from blame, but those whose desires exceed those limits are
transgressors; - those who faithfully observe their trusts and their covenants;
and who (strictly) guard their prayers; [Holy Quran: Muminun 23:2-9]
We may add the
following : being humble on earth; encountering the ignorant with a healthy
mind; spending the night in prostration and standing; praying for being saved
from the Wrath; not being extravagant when helping the needy; avoiding envy;
being moderate; avoiding association of other gods to be partners with God;
murder and fornication; avoiding false, oppressive witnessing; forgiving vain
talk through nobility; taking a good look at God's signs; praying for the wife
and the children; and praying to lead the righteous.
Those who spend
the night in adoration of their Lord prostrate and standing; those who say,
"Our Lord! avert from us the Wrath of Hell, for its Wrath is indeed an
affliction grievous, - evil indeed is it as an abode, and as a place to rest
in"; those who, when they spend, are not extravagant and not niggardly, but
hold a just (balance) between those (extremes); those who invoke not, with God,
any other god, nor slay such life as God has made sacred, except for just cause,
nor commit fornication; - and any that does this (not only) meets punishment
(but) the Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubles to him, and he will
dwell therein in ignominy.- unless he repents, believes, and works righteous
deeds, for God will change the evil of such persons into good, and God is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful, and whoever repents and does good has truly turned
to God with an (acceptable) conversion;- those who witness no falsehood, and, if
they pass by futility, they pass by it with honorable (avoidance); those who,
when they are admonished with the Signs of their Lord, droop not down at them as
if they were deaf or blind; and those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us
wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace)
to lead the righteous. [Holy Quran: Furqan 25:64-74]
( 79 )
The Commander of
the Faithful (Imam Ali) stated: Among the characteristics of a believer we can
state that he is not attached to financial affairs; his efforts are mainly
geared to religiousness; his nobility is in contentment; and his efforts are for
the Hereafter. His good deeds are increased; his ranks are elevated; and he is
approaching deliverance and prosperity. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.1, p.333]
He also said: A
believer is one who is continually remembering God; thinks a lot; is thankful
for all the blessings; and perseveres in the face of hardships. [Ibid]
Imam Sadiq (Pbuh)
said: A believer is one whose total income is legitimately earned; is
good-tempered; is not deceitful; donates some of his extra income; and avoids
excessive talk. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.67, p.293]
We can see the
following points in the traditions regarding the worth of the believers. Imam
Sadiq (Pbuh) has been narrated as having said:
A believer's honor
and respect is greater than that of the Ka'ba. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.1, p.330]
The fifth Imam (Pbuh)
said:
A believer is
well-known in the Heavens in the same manner that a man knows his wife and
children. And verily a believer is closer to God than the Archangel. [Ibid]
The Prophet (Pbuh)
said: God, Majestic is His Praise, says: I swear by My Honor and Majesty that I
have not created any creature among My Creation that is dearer than a believer.
[Bihar al-Anwar, v.71, p.158]
Being Matched
Now that we have introduced the necessity of religion and piety, it
should be noted that one of the most important conditions for marriage is that
the couple should be well-matched. What is meant by being well-matched is that
the couple who wish to get married must have some outward and inward
similarities. The most important similarity is in their piety. That is according
to the holy divine culture, they must both be religious. As the Holy Quran
states:
And women of
purity are for men of purity. [Holy Quran: Nur 24:26]
God's book states:
Marry women of
your choice. [Holy Quran: Nisaa 4:3]
The first stage of
this purity of men and women is their inward purity, that is, belief in God, the
Hereafter, the Prophethood, the Quran, the angels and having divine morality.
Therefore a believing Muslim man does not have the right to marry non-Muslim,
unbelieving women. If such a forbidden marriage takes place, then their children
are considered to be born in sin. In the same manner a Muslim believing woman
does not have the right to marry an unbelieving man, and their marriage is
considered illegitimate, as are their children. Believing men or women are not
matched with unbelieving men or women. Should such a forbidden marriage take
place, both sides are exposed to Eternal Torture.
( 80 )
The Glorious Quran
has seriously advised against the marriage of a believing person with an
unbeliever:
Do not marry
unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: a slave woman who believes is
better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allure you. Nor marry (your
girls) to unbelievers until they believe: a man slave who believes is better
then an unbeliever, even though he allure you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you
to the fire. But God beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of Bliss) and
forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind: that they may celebrate His
praise. [Holy Quran: Baqara 2:221]
Therefore you must
be careful not to let your believing daughters marry with a young fellow who is
ignorant and does not have faith. Likewise, do not choose a girl who denies
divine principles to marry your believing noble son. The first and foremost
condition for the marriage of a couple is their faith. Thus two believing,
chaste, and shining lights will join, the fruit of which will be good children.
Do not think that being handsome, wealthy or of a high status for an unbelieving
man, or likewise in a woman who is not adorned with the truth can bring
prosperity, health, happiness and continuity of a mutual life. It is necessary
for the families not to be too strict about finding the best match. When the two
sides are nearly matched in terms of faith, morality and Islamic practices, and
looks and posture, then they are considered to be a good match for each other by
the Holy Shariat. Consider the following traditions regarding being matched:
Imam Sadiq (Pbuh)
said: A woman who is chaste and is financially easy to live with is your best
match. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.372]
The Prophet (Pbuh)
said: If a courter proposes to marry your daughter and you are sure about his
religiousness and trustworthiness, then provide the means for such a marriage.
Prohibiting marriage of a well-matched couple may lead to sedition and great
corruption on the Earth. [Ibid]
In another
tradition the Prophet (Pbuh) said: Marry your daughter off to one whose morality
and religiousness satisfies you. Should you prevent such a marriage, you have
caused a great corruption and sedition on the Earth. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.100,
p.373]
Yes, in fact the
cause of self satisfaction, homosexuality, fornication, nervous problems, and
psychic ailments of many young men and women is being too strict in regards to
marriage; creating obstacles; insisting on wrong customs and traditions followed
by imposing hard conditions; and expecting beauty, position and wealth by the
families. And in fact the end results of all this will directly affect the
parents, the relatives and those families who are too strict in regards to
marriage, both here and in the Hereafter.
The Prophet (Pbuh)
said: Provide the means for the wedding of well-matched couples. And marry with
people who are a good match for you, and prepare them to marry you to bring
forth good children. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.375]
( 81 )
The essential
ingredients of a well-matched couple are faith, morality, trustworthiness and
righteousness. It is the moral duty of the parents and the family to prepare the
grounds for the marriage of a well-matched couple. This can be speeded up by
being more lenient, not imposing ungodly conditions and avoiding unethical
traditions. In this way the parents and the family can earn the blessings,
pleasure and kindness of God.
Imam Baqir (Pbuh)
said:
The greatest
tragedy is when a young believing man proposes marriage to your daughter and you
respond in the negative because he does not have the same financial status as
you do. [Marriage in Islam, p.32]
Prejudices related
to the family, city or tribe should be considered detrimental in marriage as
such prejudices are rejected in the divine religion. So do not consider being
poor or rich; coming from this city or that one; belonging to this tribe or that
one as the criteria for marriage. All men and women are the offspring of one
couple (Adam and Eve) and no one has any especial privileges over others except
that due to being more pious and virtuous.
Imam Sajjad's Views on Being Matched
Hazrat
Baqir (Pbuh), the fifth Imam said: In one of the way-stations during Hajj, my
noble father Imam Zayn al-Abideen (Pbuh) encountered a lady whose good temper
attracted him. He inquired if she was married, and was told that she was not.
Then my father proposed to marry her without investigating about her family, and
this proposal led to marriage.
One of the Ansar
who became informed of this issue could not stand this simple marriage. He
thought that she may not belong to a noble family, and this may cause problems
for the fourth Imam. He spent some time investigating about her and finally
found out that she belonged to the Shayban tribe. He came to the fourth Imam and
told him that thanks God she is from a well-known, noble family. The Imam told
him that he thought the man was wiser than that. He told him "Do you not
know that God the Almighty removed all inferiorities and compensated for all
defects by Islam. He replaced inferiority with nobility. Now, no matter what the
social status of a Muslim is, he/she is not inferior but is respectable. The
inferiorities belong to the Age of Ignorance."[Bihar al-Anwar, v.100,
p.374]
Therefore being of
the same tribe, dwelling in the same town or having the same amount of wealth do
not mean being well-matched. As decreed by Islam there exist no privileges for
the Arabs over the Persians; the whites over the blacks; the Qurayshy over the
non-Qurayshy. All that counts is piety. If a Muslim couple have faith, piety,
morality, trustworthiness, chastity, purity and health, then they are
well-matched. This is true even if one is an Arab and the other one is a
Persian; one lives in a city and the other one is a villager; one is rich and
the other is poor; one is white and the other is black; one belongs to a noble
family and the other one does not.
( 82 )
Ali, the son of
Isbat wrote a letter to Imam Javad (Pbuh) and stated that he had not been able
to find people that match him in faith and morality to marry off his daughters
to. The Imam responded by writing: "I realized what you wrote regarding
your daughters. May God bless you with His Mercy and Kindness. You need not be
so careful in regards to your daughters. The Prophet (Pbuh) has recommended us
to accept a courter's proposal to marry our daughters should his morality and
religiousness be acceptable. Else sedition and great corruption would occur on
Earth." [Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.373]
Imam Sadiq (Pbuh)
told a man called Abraham: "No believer has ever gained any profit more
dangerous than wealth. The danger of wealth is worse than that of two vicious
wolves which attack a flock of sheep lacking a shepherd. What do these wolves do
with the sheep?" He answered: "Nothing but a great loss." The
Imam said: "That is right. The least danger of wealth is that a Muslim
might come to propose to marry your daughter and you reject him for not being
wealthy."
Those Whom You Should not Let Your Daughters
Marry
It is
stated in divine books that man is entrusted with children who are God's
blessing and kindness. To safeguard this "trust" we must attend to
their moral and religious education and choose a pure and good spouse for them
to marry. The woman who gets married and goes to her husband's home will be
influenced by her husband, his family and his home. In that environment she will
be asked to do things by her husband. The house she goes to must be a divine
home with a believing family. Her husband must be reasonably well-mannered and
good-tempered, too. It is for this reason that the divine religion has strictly
forbidden marrying your daughters to those who do not fulfill Islamic
conditions. The Prophet (Pbuh) has been narrated as saying: Marriage is a form
of obedience, that is once you marry your daughters off to someone, you in fact
make her obedient to him. Therefore you must all be very careful as to whom you
entrust your daughters to. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.103, p.371]
It is not
permitted to marry off your daughters to one who does not adhere to religion,
divine decrees and just beliefs. Such a person is considered to be corrupt
according to the divine book. It is not permitted to marry off your daughters to
one who is ill-tempered, haughty, jealous, greedy, and vulgar. It is neither
permitted nor humane to marry off your daughters to an ignorant, stupid, unwise
man who cannot run his life and causes a lot of problems for the woman. It is
strictly forbidden to marry off your daughters to an alcoholic who is so base
that he does not abstain from what God has forbidden. Now consider the very
important traditions in this regard.
One who marries
off his dear noble daughter to an irreligious man, will be cursed a thousand
times a day. [Marriage in Islam, p.55]
( 83 )
Husayn, the son of
Bishar wrote to Musa the son of Jaffar (Pbuh) "One of my relatives who is
ill-tempered has requested to marry with my daughter". The Imam responded
"Do not marry her to him if he is a wrong doer." [Bihar al-Anwar,
v.103, p.235]
Imam Sadiq (Pbuh)
strictly forbade marrying off one’s daughters to fools and the ignorant ones -
who cannot be trusted in social and personal affairs and those who cannot be
entrusted with property- based on verse 5 of the Chapter Nisaa of the Holy Quran.
[Marriage in Islam, pp.54-55]
The Prophet (Pbuh)
said: Should anyone, who is now informed by me - as the Messenger of God - that
drinking alcoholic beverages is forbidden, drink and go to propose marriage to
the daughter of a family, he deserves no response. [Ibid]
Hazrat Reza, the
eighth Imam (Pbuh) said: Be wary of marrying your girls off to those who drink,
as this is like giving a virgin for fornication. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.79, p.142]
Verily those who
do not adhere to God's obligatory acts, will not avoid sexual deviations. Those
who do not have good morality, and are ill-tempered; and those who do not have a
right mind and intellect; and those who are so weak that they cannot stop
drinking alcoholic beverages are not suited to be entrusted with a believing
pious young woman who is entrusted to us by God. If so, not only will the young
woman will be spoiled, but her children too will be influenced by the man’s
ill effects. This fact has been stated by the sixth Imam (Pbuh) before man came
to realize it through science. The effects of illegitimate acts show up in the
offspring. [Vasa'il. v.17, Chapter 1, p.81, Tradition 22043]
Do not Marry Such Women
As you
read, Islam does not allow us to marry off our daughters to several groups of
people including the corrupt, the stupid, the ill-tempered, and the alcoholics.
Thus by prohibiting such marriages, a woman's respect and honor are safeguarded.
In the same manner, Islam prohibits the marriage of young noble, believing men
with those women who do not meet divine and Islamic conditions. There exist many
important traditions cited in authentic books regarding this issue which have
been cited from the sources of revelations. A reference is made to some of them
here.
The Prophet (Pbuh)
said: Avoid marrying stupid women since living with them will ruin your life and
their children will be oppressors. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.103, pp.232-237]
He also said:
Avoid a trashy beauty. He was asked: What do you mean by a trash beauty? He
replied: I mean a beautiful woman who is raised in a bad family. [Ibid]
The Prophet (Pbuh)
used to say in his prayers to God: I seek refuge in Thee from a child who orders
me around instead of being obedient; from property
( 84 )
which goes to waste without giving any profit; and from a woman who makes me old
too fast due to her stupidity and bad behavior; and from a friend who is
deceitful. [Marriage in Islam, pp.75-77]
The Prophet (Pbuh)
said: The worst of your women are the ones who are sterile; filthy; stubborn;
disobedient; disgusted by the family, and dear to themselves; disobedient to the
husband and submissive to others. [Ibid]
He also said:
Three things have a bad omen: a woman, a quadruped and a house. A woman's bad
omen is in her nuptial gift and sterility. [Ibid]
He also said: A
bad woman is the worst thing. [Mustadrak, Nekah book, Chapters 6 and 8]
The Commander of
the Faithful (Imam Ali) stated: The worst wife is a woman who is not
complaisant. [Ibid]
The Prophet (Pbuh)
said: Should I not introduce the worst women? Those who are not respectable in
their own family; who are haughty to their husbands; who are sterile; who are
malicious; who do not stop doing evil deeds; who adorn themselves in the absence
of their husbands, and do not adorn themselves in his presence; who are
disobedient to their husbands, and do not please them in their own privacy; who
do not accept their husband's apology and do not forgive them. [Bihar al-Anwar,
v.100, p.235]